The JOURNAL of eXuBeRaNtLy BAD fiction!!!

If your eyeballs aren't bleeding, I'm not doing my job.

GUIDELINES!

The Journal of EXUBERANTLY bad Fiction is devoted to scraping the bottom of the barrel and publishing only the absolute worst of the worst. No matter how low the bar is set, we are looking for fiction that limbos under it with PANACHE. Stuff that makes Eye of Argon look like Literature with a capital fucking L.

PAYMENT: $10 per story. No, it’s not a lot, but nobody else is going to publish this shit, I guarantee it. I guess if humanity has terrible taste, it’s possible that I could make some money off this — somehow, and then I’ll pay more. We are talking ICICLE’S CHANCE IN HELL, people. Don’t hold your breath. I apparently started this zine because I felt like pissing my money away.

RIGHTS TO BE PURCHASED: First worldwide publication rights, non-exclusive, because seriously if you can find someone else to pay you for this stuff, more power to you. We’ll probably want some non-exclusive audio rights or whatever, mostly so that we can convince people to do public readings. Probs gonna do some kind of Kindle version, because people on Amazon will pay for ANYTHING. Maybe a print version. Iunno. I’ll figure it out in time for the contract.

FAKE NAMES ARE REQUIRED. Obviously I’ll need your real name for contract issues or whatever, but I refuse to publish anything under your actual name. If you do not supply a suitably ridiculous pen name, I will make one up for you.

EDITING: Stories will probably be edited. If so, you can like… refuse, I guess, but really if a story can be made even worse with a few errant commas, why not let me work my terrible art? That’s what I thought.

GENRE: Who cares? Any genre, so long as it’s terrible.
Submissions should be sent to journalofexuberantlybadfiction@gmail.com

Do not come anywhere close to standard manuscript format. Preferred font is 14pt. Papyrus. Scanned images of crayon on butcher paper is also gleefully accepted.

There is a hard upper word limit of 3000 words, because really there’s no way you will stay funny enough for that length of time. IF you write long? No problem! Send the whole shitty story and I’ll excerpt what I want. Unless I just don’t want any of it, which is probable.

Be funny. Be terrible. BE EXUBERANT. It’s not enough to merely be bad. I want the bad that is so entertaining that you are physically unable to stop reading. Did you write it when you were twelve? AWESOME.

ALSO accepting Twitter fiction, but I’m not paying for it. Sorry! I’d pay like… a dollar, but I think Paypal would get it all and screw them anyway. Twitter fiction should be sent to journalofexuberantlybadfiction@gmail.com as well.

Watch @exuberantlybad for updates, nonsense, and all-caps screaming.

 

ART GUIDELINES: Go ahead and send it I guess as like a .jpg or whatever. I probably won’t take any of it because uh, I know how to use MS Paint. I’ll pay like $10 each. Maybe.

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